Orihime's LOW SELF ESTEEM

               How did Orihime developed a LOW SELF ESTEEM? When did she started feeling her INADEQUACY?

Actually,everything started from here...

               Orihime was consistently trying to help Kurosaki kun,because she really wanted to support him,and be able to be there beside him,in everything he do...

                As you can see from the pages that I have posted above,Orihime was INSISTING to HELP Kurosaki kun.She was so worried about him,because she have never seen Kurosaki kun fight against a STRONG opponent before,just like that giant who was in front of them.Therefore,what Kurosaki kun told her instead,was this....

                 Kurosaki kun told her not to worry and just wait for him to finish the fight.The same thing that happened here.....

                 Orihime again,wanted to help Kurosaki kun,yet he always took the fights all by himself,and won them without any trouble.

                 That time,Orihime still wanted to HELP Kurosaki kun,yet,she knew that of all the FIGHTS that he have been through,this is the fight that he'll definitely won't ALLOW anyone to "HELP him the most",even if they were capable of doing so.

                  As you can see,Orihime was always being told to step aside,and just wait for him to finish the fights,he never lets her HELP him (he didn't want all his nakama to help him  in fighting).

               This is the first time that we see one of her nakama commented about her DEMEANOR that doesn't fit into FIGHTING.

               And here is the moment that she definitely felt INADEQUACY...after everything that happened,during the whole rescue mission at the SS.

               That's the first time she bluntly talks about her feeling of INADEQUACY.She apologized  to Kurosaki  kun,for not being much of a help in his mission to save Rukia.She felt sorry for being protected by everyone,instead of being a help in them,though we see her doing her best to help them,and they just didn't let her HELP them (in terms of fighting),because of her DEMEANOR (she couldn't attack anyone,because she doesn't have the personality that fits into fighting).
 
               However,she didn't get so depressed after that event.In fact,even though she used to fail with her attack (Tsubaki),she still tried to use her power in order to PROTECT Tatsuki and Chad,and tried to avoid thinking of RELYING on Kurosaki kun here...

                She was still able to see,that there's something bothering Kurosaki kun,so she must try to be able to give him at least,a bit of peace of mind,about protecting his nakamas.That is the reason she took the fight with Yammy ALONE,as long as she can.

Also,Orihime was still fine until this time....

            Do you see that? Orihime wasn't scared of coming near him,even though Yammy was there,she even get hurt for trying to come to him,because he was badly hurt.

              She was still capable of thinking about Kurosaki kun's well being first,though she was badly hurt as well.

              Then,what could be the reason that she become UNABLE to do those things for him? What happened to her,why did she changed so much?Where is the Orihime who was brave and MENTALLY STRONG,that wanted to support Kurosaki kun,just like how she was,during the SS and that fight with Yammy?

It was because of this...

                 The moment Orihime NOTICED Kurosaki kun's behavior when Rukia came back,she saw that there's something that CHANGED in him.She saw something in his eyes,that is very familiar with her,she KNEW that kind of look.
 
                                                           


                 Orihime didn't show any kind of disturbances in her behavior at the school,yet,when she talked with Rangiku,she admitted that she should be HAPPY that Kurosaki kun has finally came back to normal,but still,she couldn't help but feel JEALOUS of Kuchiki san.Why?Some people say,that it was because Rukia was able to cheer him up,and it doesn't mean that she was jealous for a ROMANTIC reason,somehow,I came to wonder....do they just didn't understand what she meant when she said that,or they just didn't wanted to think that way?Well,apparently,the thing that made her JEALOUS is not the fact that Rukia was able to cheer up Kurosaki kun,it was the REASON behind,why is she able to cheer him up.True that she commented that Rukia was able to cheer him up (and it was truly AMAZING,in her POV),but remember...she also said something along the lines "Kuchiki san is KIND,STRONG,and BEAUTIFUL"...What are those things?Why is she stating those attributes of Rukia?It's simple,Orihime is thinking that Kuchiki san is KIND,so Kurosaki kun might find her LIKEABLE.She's STRONG and she can really help Kurosaki kun to PROTECT (the thing that he really loves the most),so Kurosaki kun might thought that Kuchiki san is AMAZING.She's BEAUTIFUL,so Kurosaki kun might see her as an ATTRACTIVE woman (Kurosaki kun might be ATTRACTED to her). She was IMPLYING that those might be the reason,why Kuchiki san had an EFFECT towards Kurosaki kun (the things that she really WANTED to be in Kurosaki kun's POV),and made her able to cheer him up.

                                                               

                 At the "Triffle" chapter,Orihime saw another kind of behavior from Ichigo towards Rukia,that made her INTUITION get STRONGER.

                                                                   

                 This time,Orihime couldn't bear it any longer,and kept on thinking about how Kurosaki kun did behaved when he saw Kuchiki san in a situation that she was in earlier,and she saw the difference in his behavior.

                 She said : Kurosaki kun,did you leave Kuchiki san's side,without telling her anything?...Do you understand her words?She was thinking,as if it wasn't normal for him,not to tell Rukia anything,but it's not weird for him not to tell her and the others?

                 What this shows is,she definitely thinks that Rukia is that IMPORTANT to Kurosaki kun (the feeling that makes her unable to think,that she was IMPORTANT to him as well,even though she was just a FRIEND),the reason why she act like this (after hearing that her friends came to HM *Kurosaki kun included*)....

                  She never thought that he (including the other NAKAMA) may come to save her as well,just like what he did for Rukia (the IMPORTANT person to him,the one who changed his world). She didn't realize that,because she was feeling INADEQUACY,she developed a LOW SELF ESTEEM,because of RUKIA's HUGE IMPORTANCE to Kurosaki kun.She never thought that she can be important for him too,though in a different way.The thing that she realized here...

Inoue : Maybe,it's impossible to feel exactly the same way as another person (they may not have the same feelings *for each other,or towards anything*),but it's possible to people,to care for one another (they can still feel the CARE for each other)

                   She finally realized,that...even though Kurosaki kun might not see her in a way that she wished him to be,(to be the person that she wanted to be,in his life),he will still TREASURE her,at least as a NAKAMA.

                   All those things are only pointing onto something.Orihime was SHAKEN by the thought,that Kurosaki kun is starting to develop a romantic feelings for Rukia (she admit her JEALOUSY,and it was definitely because of romantic connotations from Ichigo's behavior towards Rukia). I wasn't saying that she might be RIGHT with her INTUITIONS,but that's exactly what she felt that time.Apparently,her WISH to be NOTICED by Kurosaki kun was shattered by that thoughts.

                   Actually,I have already seen some hints of her JEALOUSY,from the very first volume of the story.

Do you remember this?

                    Orihime looked at Ichigo and then to Rukia,and made a sad expression.Orihime always see them being alone together (the thing that she wanted to be *alone with Kurosaki kun*),just like how she thought of being alone with him here...

                    Orihime commented that Ichigo and Rukia were just at the park TOGETHER,she seemed to be cool about it,yet,when Tatsuki asked her if she had been alone with Ichigo in a park before,she started DAYDREAMING about being alone with him (the thing that she wanted to be able to do with him *even just being ALONE with him*).

When Rukia was gone (arrested by Renji and Byakuya)

                     Orihime talked with Ichigo at the BLANK chapter.What is their conversation all about?It was about RESCUING Rukia.Orihime KNEW that Rukia had become an important person to Kurosaki kun,that's why,she KNEW that no one can stop him from rescuing her,no matter what they do.

At the Soul Society

                    She saw how EAGER Kurosaki kun was (in saving Kuchiki san),she wanted to support him,so she thought of accompanying him,but unfortunately,he didn't let her.Even Ganju was able to see,how important Rukia is to Ichigo (through his behavior).

                    The more she was there beside Kurosaki kun,the more she saw how important Kuchiki san really is to him.

                    Orihime can clearly see Kuchiki san's importance to Kurosaki kun,that's why,she KNEW that she shouldn't interfere in this fight (among all the fights that he have been through)...

                      Orihime KNEW that the fight,is for his PRIDE,to protect the person who changed his world.She even said it bluntly here....

                   During all those times,Orihime was absolutely AWARE of Rukia's HUGE importance to Kurosaki kun.However,even after witnessing all those behavior from Ichigo to Rukia,Orihime still remained INTACT.She was still able to hold herself together.

It was only until she saw this behavior from Ichigo...

                                                            
           
                   After seeing his behavior,the moment that he saw Kuchiki san once again,Orihime's confidence began to WAVER.Since then,Orihime started to develop her LOW SELF ESTEEM (concerning Kurosaki kun).

                   Because of her JEALOUSY over Kuchiki san's HUGE importance to Kurosaki kun,she totally lost her CONFIDENCE (to be NOTICED by Kurosaki kun). Therefore,she never expect him (and the nakamas) to come and rescue her at the HM,like what I have shown above.It is also the reason why she got scared after seeing Ichigo's hollow form                                                     

                   Aside from all those things,if Orihime's LOW SELF ESTEEM really comes from her lack of  fighting ability,then why does Orihime's thought of becoming stronger,didn't waver...after seeing Kurosaki kun while he was training with the Vizaards (even after seeing Kurosaki kun's behavior during the "Punch Down the Stone Circle" and "Triffle" chapter?)....she was still able to think like this...

But unfortunately...

                      Orihime was being told to stay out of the battle once again,Urahara even said that the 4th squad can replace her part.Orihime did felt inadequacy here,but still,Rukia have explained something to her about being a  burden...

 
                     True that Orihime did felt inadequacy for being a burden,but after Rukia have explained to her about everything,she finally realized,that there's still something she could do to help them.She redeemed her composure,concerning her participation in a battle.

                     When the Arrancars returned  to attack them once again,Orihime have decided to follow Ulquira's order,because of this...

                      That is Orihime's way of facing the situation.Orihime doesn't fit into fighting,yes...that's why Rukia and her,thought of looking for something she could do to help.When Ulquiora thought about coming with him,Orihime thought it would help her friends to be able to finish the preparations for the battle,so she accept it on her own free will,as her part of helping them.Not only that,Orihime also thinks of destroying the hougyoku?Although,she failed at doing  this things.it's obvious that her low self esteem that comes from her lack of fighting abilities isn't the reason why she failed at the HM (those plans of her,doesn't need any fighting).

                   Apparently,there's only one reason that cause all her failures,and it was because Orihime became too focused on her wish to be noticed by Kurosaki kun,which made her unable to think properly in most of the situations that concerns Kurosaki kun.Her LOW SELF ESTEEM (concerning Kurosaki kun's attention),is the root cause that creates her series of failed behavior at the HM.